Havening Technique for Reducing Anxiety and Emotional Overwhelm
Hello beautiful soul,
I want to introduce you to a powerful and gentle tool you can use to reduce feelings of anxiety and emotional overwhelm. This is a technique I use and love because it’s simple, effective, and allows you to feel grounded in your own healing. It’s called the Havening Technique—a form of touch-based therapy that can soothe the nervous system and calm emotional responses when you’re feeling overwhelmed.
Why Havening Works
This technique is grounded in neuroscience and focuses on how emotionally charged memories are stored in the brain. When we experience anxiety or emotional distress, it’s often because our brain is responding to past trauma or stress.
Our brain (specifically the amygdala, which is the emotional center) can hold onto those memories, associating them with feelings of fear, anxiety, or overwhelm. The brain thinks it’s protecting us, but this can cause us to feel stuck, emotionally triggered, or unable to move forward from past experiences.
Havening helps shift this response by using gentle, soothing touch to create delta brainwaves (the same ones that occur during deep sleep). This allows the brain to re-encode the way these memories are stored so that they’re no longer tied to the overwhelming emotions. Essentially, it helps the brain recognize that these past experiences are no longer a threat.
How to Perform the Havening Technique
Step 1: Find Your Calm Space
First, settle into a safe, comfortable space where you won’t be interrupted. Take a few deep breaths, allowing your body to relax. Close your eyes if it feels good, and bring your awareness inward.
Step 2: Tune into Your Feelings
Think about the situation, memory, or feeling that’s causing you distress. Notice where you feel it in your body. Is there tightness in your chest? A pit in your stomach? Rate the intensity of this feeling from 0 to 10, with 10 being overwhelming and 0 being calm.
Step 3: Soothing Touch
Now, we bring in the Havening touch. You’ll be gently stroking certain areas of your body, which helps your brain and nervous system relax.
Place your left hand on your right shoulder, and your right hand on your left shoulder. Then gently stroke the side of your arms, moving from your shoulders down to your elbows in slow, rhythmic motions.
Take your time with this—imagine that each stroke is sending love and care to your body, letting it know that everything is okay.
Step 4: Shift Your Focus
While you’re doing the soothing touch, bring your mind to something neutral or calming. You can:
Count slowly from 1 to 20.
Picture yourself in a peaceful place, like a beach or a garden.
Repeat a calming phrase to yourself, such as “I am safe,” or “I am calm.”
This part is important because it allows your brain to shift out of the stressed, emotional state and into one of peace and safety.
Step 5: Guided Visualization – Walking on a Beach (Optional but Recommended)
While you’re doing the soothing touch, I invite you to bring your mind to a peaceful, calming scene. Picture yourself walking along a beautiful, serene beach.
Feel the warmth of the soft sand under your feet.
Hear the gentle waves rolling in, each one carrying away your worries.
Smell the fresh, salty air filling your lungs, cleansing you from the inside out.
Notice the sunlight on your skin, warming you and making you feel safe and protected.
As you walk along the beach, imagine each step releasing tension from your body and each breath filling you with a sense of calm. The soothing sounds of the ocean wash over you, and with every wave, you feel more relaxed and peaceful.
And as you contine to stroke the sides of your arms, remember a happy time. Any happy time, relaxing with friends, laughing, maybe achieving something or just enjoying a beautiful day. Return to it now. See what you saw, hear what you heard, feel how good you felt.
Notice in your body where you feel that good feeling the strongest, and give it a color, any color you’d like. Move that color up through your neck and head, down through your shoulders, into your arms and hands and fingers. Down through your stomach. Move that color all the way down through your legs, to the tips of your toes. Surrounded by this beautiful, comforting feeling.
And now say these words, “safe… peaceful... hopeful… calm…”
Then just relax your arms and come all the way back out. Notice how much calmer you feel.
Step 6: Reassess and Repeat
Check in with yourself; think about the initial memory or feeling again, and notice if the intensity has shifted. Has your distress gone from a 7 to a 4? A 10 to a 5?
If the feelings are still strong, repeat the soothing touch and visualization until the intensity lowers even more. The beauty of Havening is that it can be repeated as often as needed, gently guiding you toward relief.
Why This Technique Is So Effective
This technique taps into your body’s natural ability to heal and rewire the brain. By using the gentle power of touch, combined with a calming visualization, we’re signaling to the brain that it’s safe to release these overwhelming emotions. Over time, this shifts how the brain holds onto distressing memories, allowing you to feel lighter, calmer, and more in control.
You deserve to feel safe, calm, and supported. Havening is a beautiful way to give yourself the gift of emotional release in a way that is nurturing, simple, and profound.
With love,
Tiffany
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